This is how I've seen myself for the last year.
Oh, how I’ve missed the sight of my WordPress dashboard, the sound of the keys clicking in an “Add New Post” frenzy, and the excitement of having something to write about. Folks, it’s been far too long.
The last year has been, to put it bluntly, crazy. Here are but a few of the facets of my life that have completely changed: new job, different apartment, new last name (well technically, it’s just a hyphenated version of two old last names, but that’s just splitting hairs), the beginning of grad school, Ellie’s terrible two’s (yeah, they came early this year), and far too many mini-dramas sprinkled throughout for me to even get started.
I’m the kind of person who (gasp!) needs to give my opinion, whether anyone is listening or not. It occurred to me recently that, when I write regularly, I at least feel like I’m saying something important, even though I’m usually describing what I saw two people doing in a car in the Quiktrip parking lot at 4:15 a.m., or tearing down Kanye West while secretly loving his albums, or ranting on and on about something else that is completely irrelevant and inconsequential to anything that is going on in anyone’s life.
Well, unless you’re that couple from the QT incident… you know who you are. You should be embarrassed!
So, the official “lineup” of segments hasn’t yet been decided. I’m open to suggestions, so if you have ideas, pitch ’em my way. In the meantime, I’ll just be doing what I always do: talking too much.
Out with It!
Dear Advice King,
How should I tell my parents that I’m gay? — Tired of Pretending
 "Photo: N/A")
Why read the Advice King? Because Jess has amazing hair.
Dear Tired,
I seriously doubt you just woke up one morning and decided, “You know what? Today, I have decided to be gay.” Chances are, Mom and Dad picked up on your same-sex orientation before you even knew what “sex” and “orientation” were, even if they never voiced it.
Parents can sense when their child is different from other children in some way; I have to think that somewhere deep inside, they’ve known all along.
Having said that, it can be difficult to tell people you love something about yourself that they might not like. Depending on how your parents feel about homosexuality, their reaction could range anywhere from shock to indifference. You probably know your parents well enough to have at least a vague idea how they will feel about it; it wouldn’t hurt to take some steps to make it easier on both you and them.
For starters, don’t schedule your coming out party on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or any other holiday where the entire family is gathered. Not only might your parents feel put on the spot, but also you don’t want Thanksgiving to forever be known as “the day Junior spilled the beans,” especially if the response is less than favorable.
Just because you choose a quiet, private venue to come out, it does not mean that you are making — or should make — any apologies for being gay.
You absolutely have every right to unashamedly be who you are; but, if you are nervous about how the news will affect your relationship with your family, it’s wise to at least take their feelings into consideration.
Try to be calm and compassionate. If your mother’s dream is to see a grandbaby with your sparkling blue eyes, she’s going to be disappointed. Still, that doesn’t mean who you are is wrong, or you should have to pretend to be someone you’re not just to spare someone an uncomfortable moment.
Most importantly, hope for a positive reaction, but prepare for a negative one. If the situation reaches Defcon 5 status, keep your cool and remember you are doing the right thing when you free yourself of the burden living a lie imposes.
It’s also worth mentioning that whether you’re gay, straight or otherwise is technically none of anyone else’s business, and it would be a mistake for your parents or others to feel that they somehow have a say in the matter.
Realistically, there’s a high likelihood of your parents reacting with initial shock but coming around after some time has passed. If they fully refuse to accept it, you’ve done all you can do and should be proud of yourself. Realize such narrow lines of thinking are undoubtedly holding them back; pretending and playing along would convey acceptance of their intolerance and hold you back, as well.
Questions for Jess? Send them to Twitter@advicefromjess or by e-mail to jess.king@okstate.edu.
Let’s Get Creative!
This Thursday, OSU-Tulsa’s Creative Marketing class — taught by Dr. Tracy Suter — will be holding a video premiere event at OSU-Tulsa’s auditorium. It’s free, open to the public, and guaranteed to be lots of fun!
For a glimpse into what Creative Marketing is all about, visit TAS-sel.org.
OSU-Tulsa Auditorium, Thursday, Feb 11, at 6:00
Advice from Jess 